Feeling Stuck & Pushing Past Your Pain Period

I hate when this happens. I know setbacks are normal for all of us, but do you ever feel like you take two steps forward then 5 steps back?

Days or weeks go by and your in your flow and feeling great, and then suddenly your back at the bottom. But not the very bottom. You know you’ve still made progress, but you might just lose your mind and give all the way up.

It’s so frustrating when you work so hard to be better, every single day. Although it is humbling to fail, it’s hard to see the good when your in the midst of your failure.

So many days in my life I feel like I’m on trial. Like I’m constantly being tested. I work to be more patient. I work to be more kind, more understanding, and to not judge others. I’m a small part of a big picture and I just want to do my part in serving the world the best that I can. But that can feel so daunting when you stop believing in yourself. When you feel like you can’t do it. Even the simple stuff.

I know the optimistic part of me would say, “Liz, this is the only way you will grow.” It’s the Universe’s way of trying to show me what I’m really made of. It makes you ask yourself how bad do you want this? You start to wonder if this is all actually worth it.

And that’s where your determination and your ultimate vision should come into play. Your end goal. Your underlying reason for what keeps you going. I hate to say this but I often lose sight of mine, and even times I feel like I may not even have one at all. This is completely untrue and I know that, but I still have those thoughts.

It takes time to get back to the other side. The mind frame when you’re focused, when you’re driven, and when you can just get out of your own way. Not saying it becomes easy but it absolutely becomes easier. There’s less anxiety, less stress, and more time to focus on the good things in your future. Typically, I can eventually sort through most my doubt and trust that I will come out stronger on the other end.

Yet the place where I truly feel “stuck” is not because of my anxiety, my negative self-talk, or even from a specific failure. It’s really just the fact that I keep experiencing this same shitty feeling over and over and over again. Just when I think I pushed past, there it is again. It’s just taken a new form. That is discouraging for anybody. The ups and downs can sometimes be what damages our confidence, making it even more difficult to get back on track.

The key is to try our best not to dwell, because this just creates more of the same. Take the time to reset your brain and your body. Get away from that shitty feeling. For me, it can feel almost impossible to get out of my own head. But I’m always learning new ways to do so. Know that what works for some may not work for you. Also remember, for some fucked up reason our brains are so programmed to resist change and to seek immediate comfort. Especially when we feel vulnerable. This is what makes being human so difficult. We’re capable of so many incredible things, we just need to push past our pain period. If you keep meeting resistance in your life, and it keeps showing up the same way, just know that you have not yet learned the lesson you need to. And that is okay. We’re not supposed to know exactly the right thing to do in each and every situation. Life is all about learning, and even more importantly learning to let go.

The Human Obsession with Labels, our Identities, and How To Stop Drinking When You’re Not An “Alcoholic”

As humans, we love our identities. We love feeling like we “are” somebody. We’ve been conditioned to throw labels around our behaviors to justify why we are the way we are and to describe who others seem to be.

“Are you a smoker a non-smoker?”

“Are you an introvert or an extrovert?”

“Are you single or in a relationship?”

There is no real harm in this at all, until a simple label turns into how somebody perceives themselves.

There are so many instances where we are put in these teeny tiny boxes with little to no wiggle room. You deem yourself depressed, co-dependent, incompetent, shy, the greatest chess player in the world, WHATEVER and that quickly becomes exactly what you are. That is what you will remain in your mind, as long as that label resides in your subconscious. It’s truly just how our brains work. Yet, the simple question “Who am I?” makes so many of us wanna jump out of our skin. It can feel literally impossible to answer. Am I my age? My ethnicity? The city I grew up in? The daughter of so and so or the kid who works at Walmart? Like really, who am I?

This question can be discouraging and I feel it can be very damaging to our self-esteem. Trying to put ourselves in these confining boxes can diminish our self-worth. Identifying with a certain lifestyle or personality trait can set the pace of our life. The identities we chose can also fuel our ego and give us a sense of belonging. I know entirely too many people who would not even recognize themselves in the mirror if you ripped their “party lifestyle” label away from them. I admit that I have also been this person.

Who am I if I don’t have a drink in my hand?

For the past 10+ years I’ve typically been the drunkest person at the majority of any social gathering. If I wasn’t my normal blacked out self it was a feat to be celebrated. “Oh my god, Liz is still up!” Hooray. My friends were always super hype if I lasted a little longer than usual. So happy I stopped passing out in public (as much). I was the problem drinker, the wild card that you needed to watch if you were the more responsible friend. As a teenager my only real identity was the super drunk girl. Mere acquaintances throughout the years have told me I’ve gotten so much better with my drinking. An actual quote, “I’m proud of you though. You used to be a sloppy mess and just pass out everywhere.” Sweet, thanks.

Imagine being known as that for a huge chunk of your life? In my defense, as much as I hate to admit this, simply going out drinking with my best friends was straight up not enough. Not enough to satisfy or thrill me. No shit, the goal for everyone is to get drunk. But I wanted to be in a new Universe. I used to look down at each drink as if it were a stepping stone that might lead me closer to where I longed to be. It would terrify me and I loved that. I knew within a few drinks, more than likely I’d be incoherent and in a much happier place. I dreaded basically all the conversations at the bar, I didn’t care about people’s drama I just wanted to drown them out-quickly. No wonder I’ve always been the blackout queen.

Of course, I moved through many different stages in my drinking and I could be okay. I wasn’t getting multiple DUIs or drinking myself to sleep every night. I didn’t spend time in bars alone. Our society makes drinking the most normal thing you can do. So I tried to be normal. I nearly stopped going out altogether, and that was mostly to avoid the toxic people and toxic situations that I knowingly attract when I’m out and blacked out. As any adult should, I desperately didn’t wanna be the asshole that I could be so often. When you have what feels like hundreds of drunk regrets weighing on your mind, you tend to become more aware of each situation where drinking may be involved.

For years, I’ve tried my absolute best to adopt a healthy mindset regarding drinking, if I could. I thought just having good intentions was enough. Everyone knew I didn’t mean to be a problem and they wanted me to have fun too. Yet this “healthy mindset” was very fleeting and extremely boring to me. And that’s the thing, my motivation to give a fuck or care about my well-being can only last so long when I have a drink in me. I have very few experiences where getting buzzed at happy hour was enough. I need more and I know that will never change. As you can imagine, I am really tired of playing this game. I’ve come to accept that I cannot be who I need to be if I keep drinking.

It is SO hard to shed this label and this part of myself; it’s a really confusing and painful process. Without a doubt, coming to terms with all of this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Being honest with yourself can suck. I get seriously intense impulses to black out because I feel like I still need that girl. I don’t get impulses to “have a few beers.” And that’s the difference.

The same exact people who have questioned my drinking, been personally affected by my drinking time and time again, and even have told me (on more than one occasion) that maybe I should STOP DRINKING, are the same people who still encourage me to drink.

“Oh, well it’s not like your an alcoholic.” Yeah? Honestly, who the fuck decides what an “alcoholic” is? Just because the social norm is to drink at every event known to mankind does not mean I am uncool or weird for simply not drinking. I do not need to box myself into a label of an addict or an alcoholic because I don’t trust myself with alcohol the way most people can. This means if I don’t identity as an “ALCOHOLIC” I can’t abstain from alcohol? Think about how fucking stupid that is! This is our obsession with labeling people and defining their behavior. If you can’t put them in a perfectly labeled box, than who are they?

I think that scares people.

Pages: 1 2

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑