Sharing is so hard. Always has been for me. Like literally, I cannot tell anyone shit. Maybe that’s why I have a blog now? ha. I feel crazy more often than not lately. I’m unfocused. I’m jealous. I’m hurt. I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I thought I was stronger. I’m scared of the things I’ve done, and who I’m becoming. And to just type that out to myself just as simply as I just did felt almost excruciating. But it’s crazy because all I really want is to have someone (just one single solitary human) who I know I could tell that to, without feeling like I had just given them a limb. I don’t know how to do this. I know it’s hard for so many people to be vulnerable. I know that’s a fact and sometimes I just need to know other people feel the same way, and I don’t know that right now. I don’t feel that right now. There is no coherence in barely any of my thoughts the past week or so. Lately, I am sporadic and more unpredictable than ever. I know it’s because I’m hurting. But because I can’t “share”, I’m drowning. I’ve felt way, way, way, way, way more down than this in my life so it’s not like I desperately need actual “help”. I am hurt, but I’m more so just venting because I am angry that I feel this way right now. That’s what is so discouraging about life. You can feel like for weeks or maybe even a month or so you were so on track and life was good and you were totally improving in the areas you desired to, and then all of a sudden you begin to feel the exact opposite. In just the matter of a few days or sometimes even in a single instant, you lose all that momentum. The thing is, I believe I’ve realized why this happens. It’s simply because it’s so easy to lose sight of our “why”, our deeper meaning for why do we all that we do. Even if you have never actually identified your “why”, and I’m sure many people have not, you have some unconscious belief about what it may be. It could be out of hate or spite or jealousy. It could be something so basic like you need to work extra hard to make your car payment this month or something detrimental like wanting revenge on an ex. But a why is always there. Maybe you just flat out need to feel better. But either way, when we lose sight of our reason, our purpose, our main true goal, we falter. We start spinning out of control. Or at least I do. You start focusing on being everything, instead of just doing what is necessary for that next step towards that very specific goal. That specific “why”. I learned about my “why” from Dean Graziozi. Through a book he wrote called “Millionare Success Habits”, and oddly enough I still have not even finished this book. Because I kept telling myself this book was out of my league. It’s amazing how our self-doubt will always win if we allow it to. It’s so easy to forget our why, because when we stop reminding ourselves daily that we are unstoppable and that we ARE worth every bit of work that it takes to get to where we want to be, we fall back into all our fear based thoughts. I’m sorry that most of this blog post was me rambling, but I needed to get these thoughts out the best way I could. I’m just being transparent about who I really am and what I really go through. I want you to try and identify your “why” and see what comes to mind. Even if you may identity 10 why’s, chose 1 or 2 to focus intently on. I swear this simple task can change the direction of your life.